So, it's snowing again. The weather's been bizarre lately - up to 50 yesterday and then back down to freezing by this afternoon. Tomorrow's wind chill will be 20 below. Lots of sudden shifts. The snow melts and then starts to fall anew.
I feel like I've been disengaged from the blogging world of late. Yes, I've posted enough but lately I'm often writing on the weekends and then posting the pieces as the week goes on. This allows me to write when I have extra time and get work done and relax more during the busy-ness of a typical week. And so although maybe my readers don't feel like I'm absent during the week, I sort of do, just stopping in to hit "publish" and then enjoying the comment conversations, and not commenting as often on the blogs I love to read all the time.
I am relaxing more. I've rearranged my schedule and routines to make things work better, and the outcome has been very good. I feel more zen mama and less hysterical mama. The trouble for me is, once I relax a bit, I want to stay there. I don't want to get up and make dinner. Or play cars. Or write a report. I just want to be on the couch reading my book. I don't know if this is because my busy times are so ridiculously busy or if this is a challenge I have personally, but it's hard to find the middle ground.
It was my assist day at Lyle's co-op preschool and I was actually counting on him to nap afterwards; this is silly because he so often doesn't anymore when he's home with me, but he's been sick and he looked exhausted, so I had decided that he was going to nap. Which of course led to dreadful disappointment when he didn't. But I insisted on quiet time, during which I lay on my bed reading "Eat Pray Love" with the space heater pointed directly at the bed, while Lyle alternately looked at books next to me, rearranged the settings on my alarm clock, and dug his fingernails into my Chap Stick. I knew I should get up and do something with him because, really, how relaxing was this for me? But I just couldn't. I didn't feel down or blue, just glued to my bed and book. All I could think of was that my stomach was grumbling and maybe it would be fun to make some popcorn for a snack. That was literally my one and only true motivation for getting off of my bed.
When I did get up, it was because there was a knock at our door. And do you know who was at my door? It was our great neighbors from across the hall, a mom and her toddler who come over nearly every day to play, with a bowl full of delicious popcorn to share with us.
And what more do I need, really, on a cold winter's day when I don't feel like doing much of anything?