And then I saw it happen again. A few hours later, this time in the Office Depot parking garage in Evanston, a small girl went skipping way ahead of her mom, right through a big dark garage full of moving cars. No reaction from Mom.
Un. Freaking. Believable. Is this not BASIC parenting?? You don't let your little kids go racing ahead of you through a parking lot! Am I right, or have I gone mad??
I think I'm right. (I know, you're surprised.)
So. What I'm hearing, loud and clear, is this:
DUMB ASS AMERICA NEEDS MY HELP.
Therefore, dear Interwebs, I give you...
The Wonderwheel Parenting Primer
1. If your toddler picks up a large shard of glass, do NOT allow him to run with it in his mouth. At least not too fast over a bumpy surface.
2. Children under the age of 2 shall not be in charge of making dinner on the stove. Unless it's for you, and you have had, like, such a long day.
3. Your young child shall not be allowed to play in the street unless you are busy talking to a neighbor and don't feel like pausing to remind him.
4. If your child is about to put her finger in an electrical socket, it is your job to shout, "Stop!" and get off your butt to remove her from the area. Unless you want to teach her a lesson about electricity, that is. I mean, science is important - even for girls.
5. If your kid bites you, do not ever - under any circumstances - bite him back. Except in special cases, like when it hurts like hell and you're super pissed about it.
6. In a busy parking lot, be sure your child stays close by you. It is never acceptable for her to run ahead of you, unless you know for absolute certain that she's not the "accident type".
I sincerely believe that, if we could just follow these few simple rules, our children would be far safer in this dangerous world.